Together, They’re Broken: A Tale Of The Unfortunate

By now, the news is everywhere. The only two healthy players left on the bench are Mark DeRosa and Eli Whiteside. You’ve got your left fielder starting in center, two first basemen playing the outfield corners, a shortstop playing third base, a third baseman playing first base, and the list goes on.

Even Pablo Sandoval is playing through an injury, which admittedly probably isn’t the right thing to do in this case.

In a scenario where the only thing to look forward to is Armageddon, who’s to blame for all of this? Is it just a chain reaction of terrible events? Or is there a higher power behind it?

Maybe, the answer is hiding in Iowa…

Just like the 40-man ninja Hinshaw managed to hide out in Iowa for a while, the Giants could possibly find all the answers to the rest of their questions there. They could even find the mysterious Zach Wheeler hidden among corn fields.

It’s only a matter of time before fans at AT&T Park start hearing the words, “Playing left field, number twenty-five, Barry Bondsenzombie!” Which really isn’t a terrible idea at this point.

Dig up the old players from retirement. Robb Nen here, Noah Lowry there. Maybe get Duane Kuiper out on the field so he can try to get his second career home run.

It’s also come to the point where putting terrible players — such as Miguel Tejada — in the lineup every day seems okay because it means that they’re not broken. Except for the fact that Tejada was broken. And he never did make any rehab appearances. And that makes it 100% okay for him to be in the lineup every day. Absolutely. There is nothing wrong with that.

And you begin to wonder, maybe Brian Bocock could’ve saved us all.

It’s a mysterious crashing point. Murphy’s Law tearing the Giants apart. The underdog darlings from last year are now bursting into flames and no one knows how or why.


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