100 Easy Ways To Lose a Man

I had the misfortune of reading another article from Seed Spitters. I had just written a rebuttal for one of their posts regarding Tim Lincecum’s contract situation, but now I’ve had the terrible experience of reading an incredibly misogynistic and generalizing post of theirs.

The post by Russell Preston, entitled “Baseball knowledge and an appreciation for significant others,” is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. Here are a few choice quotes from the post:

When a guy first meets a girl, he sweeps her off her feet with his charm and God-given good looks (fortunately for me, I relied on my clumsiness and unromantic moments and she still stayed with me). While trying to impress the lady, he  leaves out his obsession with sports as a conversation starter.

Girls don’t want to hear that, we know better.

Oh, gag me. What is this supposed to be, Fever Pitch? Sorry about that, guys — the world doesn’t work like the movies. Don’t expect to hide your obsessions without your significant other eventually finding out. Y’know, honesty is one of the keys to a good relationship, so if you’re hiding things that are even so trivial, don’t expect much.

Girls don’t want to hear that, we know better.

No, you do not know better. Otherwise you would know that women do like talking about baseball and listening about it.

Men, however, love hearing the crack of the bat, the smell of the spring grass and the sound of a ball slapping a well-manicured palm of a glove. We naturally absorb the sights and sound of the game of baseball.

And if we aren’t at a game experiencing those refreshing sensations, we sit in front of a computer, frantically searching the web for Buster Posey injury updates and Pablo Sandoval weigh-ins. We are always on twitter waiting for something, anything, to come back from spring training.

I’m sorry, I seem to have missed the memo that this only applies to males. So spending an entire summer working at a collegiate summer league team and driving all over the Bay Area to go to baseball games is something only a man should do? Never mind the fact that only males sit in front of twitter, waiting for updates?

Lies. A great majority of the people I follow on twitter are female baseball fans who know what they talk about and even know more than males. And you know what? If you are truly a male and, oh, I don’t know, AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING, you would admit that hey, women can and do know more then men.

My point? Men constantly yearn for baseball knowledge.

Most women, on the other hand, do not.

Okay, this is what annoys me. I spent so many nights staying up until 3 a.m. reading Fangraphs and whatever I could get my computer’s mouse on so I could understand tERA and wOBA. I still stay up just reading the latest in sabermetrics.

Sorry I’m not sorry if my thirst for baseball knowledge threatens your manhood.

I saw her becoming genuinely interested in the game of baseball. A dream come true for (I’m assuming) all men.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, wait, that’s supposed to be serious?

Damn.

You know what? If you think the only reason women get into baseball is just so they have another thing in common with their significant others, you are downright wrong and I have every nerve to slap you with my Baseball America Prospect Handbook.

The game of baseball is not violent or physical like football, but shows a finesse and consistency women can appreciate. Like cupcake making…

Oh, hold up now. Insinuating that women do not like violent sports? Well, I’ll have you know that I know plenty of women who like the oh-so-violent-and-physical sports of football and even hockey. Take a look around. You’re on a sports website run by women.

If you are so daft enough to generalize that women do not like specific sports because of stereotypes, then I feel bad for you, son. Because you should grow up and grow a pair of ovaries otherwise you will end up alone because you do not treat women as equals.

And if you are a woman reading this, I give kudos to you. Woman like you make men like me feel pretty darn spoiled.

This is like saying, “HEY, YOU READ THROUGH MY ASININE POST THAT SHOWS HOW SEXIST I AM. HERE, YOU DESERVE A COOKIE.”

I should just shove that cookie up your nose and hope you realize just how dumb you are.

Also, women get stuff done. I’m not sure if you are aware of how powerful women are.

And that we do not need males to validate our sports loving personalities.

So why don’t you just run to your bros and cry into your red plastic cup and leave the analysis to the people who don’t belittle or infantilize women just because?

Kthxbai.

(Hat tip to my friend @latest_phase for telling me about Marian Call’s song of the same name. Because the title is fitting.)

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26 thoughts on “100 Easy Ways To Lose a Man

  1. The most hilarious thing is that most GUYS aren’t like that over baseball, either. Baseball fans, male or female, are a breed apart.

    This guy is just hanging around with the wrong women.

    • You’ve really hit the nail on the head, Julie. The problem with this guy’s article isn’t so much that women are all really obsessed with baseball, it’s that men really aren’t either.

      Casual fans of baseball, I think I’ve read are coming close to being 50/50 men and women. Obsessive fans may be more likely to be men, but it’s such a small percentage of people that making it a gender relations thing is just really tired generalization.

      It’s a shame, because he could have written a nice piece on a baseball geek’s romantic challenges – gender neutral – that we all could have empathized with.

      • Agreed on all points.

        I’ve met a great mix of baseball fans over the years — some are just casual fans and that’s fine; some are completely obsessed with the game. Regardless of gender, they like baseball one way or another.

        Though, I’m very much considering writing a gender neutral piece on being a baseball geek and romance trials and tribulations.

      • No, you should write about how men are all casual fans and don’t understand your intense love for baseball. And how you wish you could find a man who would be willing to learn more about baseball for your sake.

  2. It anyone else getting a mail order brides ad at the top of this post? Because I am, and it’s both disturbing and hilarious.

  3. Have to wonder if certain guys SEEK OUT women who know nothing about sports because it makes them feel like big shot to be the “teacher” and to get to “explain” everything to some poor little woman.

  4. I haven’t read the post being discussed here, I don’t think I should. My Irish temper would be unleashed on this poor, poor man and I wouldn’t do that to someone I don’t know 🙂

    However, my response is not so filled with temper.
    I, too, worked for two years for a collegiate league team. Some of the most fun I ever had. I got paid to watch baseball, what better job is there in the world? I also worked in the White Sox organization this summer. I have assisted with tryouts for the Braves for 6 years (I help evaluate pitchers). So, please, Mr. Baseball-Know-It-All, tell me how I don’t know baseball or don’t want to know anything about it or whatever you were trying to convey with your article. I was also manager for my high school baseball team all 4 years (only because they wouldn’t let me play). That is where I fell in love with the game. I’ve never looked back. I’ve even been told that I know more than some guys who played.

    I’d like to have a conversation with this guy and show him what I know. I think he’d be surprised.

    I wrote a blog a couple years ago (and updated it last season) titled We Are Katie Casey. I just don’t know if I can post links on here. I’ll gladly send it if you want to read it. 🙂

    • Steering clear of the original post in question might be a good idea, as there were a lot of things that is terrible to read. So many unnecessary remarks toward women, which is unfortunate.

      That’s some great experience there and I’m glad to hear it’s some of the most fun you’ve ever had! I would love to read your blog post, however. I think you can post links on here, but if not, let me know.

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