In a world where there is evil roaming the streets, and the Dodgers have the best record in baseball.
In a world where Freddy Sanchez is broken, and Emmanuel Burriss is considered a starting second baseman.
In a world where the Giants can score runs, and Barry Zito threw a complete game shutout with no walks allowed.
In that world, Matt Cain exists.
Utilizing his trusty superwonderful powers — strikeouts, troll skills, and a fro — he roams the streets of The City, saving children from the dangers — but not the Dodger children.
He proves that he is not the third best superhero at best, kicking criminals to the curb and striking them out.
The sound created by the swing of the bat when he’s at the plate heals all, and keeps babies from crying.
By day, The City has nothing to fear. By night, evil fears the pitches.
A non-violent man, he gets people to stop hitting — even holding people to just one hit.
And at the end of the day, he takes no credit for success and takes the blame if something goes wrong. A humble man with humble upbringings, all to help The City.
He is … Matt Cain.